EXCERPT

Liz Bennett swore she wouldn’t cry, yet tears drifted silently down her cheeks. They would never be able to have children...ever. As much as the knowledge broke her heart, it hurt more to see the devastation on her husband’s face. He hadn’t said a word once the doctor gave final diagnosis that Rob was sterile. He didn’t have to. Liz knew what he was thinking—that he’d failed as a man, as her man. Her assurances to the contrary would come later, when they both weren’t so raw with emotion.

He gripped the steering wheel of their Explorer, eyes locked forward, focusing on Memorial Day traffic zipping along with them on I-10. Every so often she’d see him blink rapidly to clear his own tears. She wanted to wrap her arms around those broad shoulders, rest her cheek against the mesa of his chest, and never let go. She’d loved him since the first day they met five years ago when they’d collided outside the bank, and had never stopped. His blue eyes captured the color of the sky. His brown hair reflected the sun’s gold. Every word, every breath, and, God knew, every touch melded into her soul. The love of her life.

The man could look GQ in ratty jeans and torn T-shirt; he was devastating on those very rare occasions he wore a tux. No wonder the ladies, young and old, smiled at him on his UPS route. Those brown shorts showed one of his best assets—his legs, tanned golden from constant exposure to the Southern California sun. Today he was casual for their doctor appointment, khakis and a blue pullover that made his eyes stand out. She’d longed to see those eyes in those of their children one day.    

Rob cleared his throat. “Do you want to cancel dinner with Craig and Rachel?” His gaze never left the road.

If anyone would understand what they were going through, those two would. Rachel had received the same news four years ago. She’d sobbed her heart out in Liz’s arms while the two brothers talked about it in another room; Craig shed as many tears as his wife. Then the four of them convened in the living room to weigh the options available to the older Bennett couple...options that had yet to work.

“No,” she finally said. “They’ll want to support us and help us through this. It wouldn’t be fair to shut them out.” Craig and Rachel were also their best friends. “You know they’re waiting for the results, too.” Having a baby in the family meant the world to them, too. Since they couldn’t be parents, they lived to spoil a niece or nephew.

“I know,” he quietly replied. “Rachel’s still trying to kick that stomach virus. I thought she might prefer to stay home and rest. Mexican food might not be the best decision tonight.”

“If she does, she’ll tell us.” They’d all been laid low by the bug the month before. It had spread like wildfire from one of them to the other. Liz spent one night sleeping on the bathroom floor because she didn’t want to get too far from the toilet. It’d taken them a week to bounce back. Rachel still struggled to recover.     

He sniffed and blinked his vision clear. “I love you, honey. I’m...sorry.”

Liz brushed her hand over his thigh and squeezed. “I love you, too. This isn’t your fault. You have nothing to be sorry about. We’ll...” She didn’t know how to be optimistic, not after seeing all Craig and Rachel had been through.

They’d tried just about every procedure known to medical science to regulate Rachel’s cycle. Invitro fertilization also failed. The doctors were baffled. One specialist even suggested she was going through early menopause. Adoption broke their hearts all over again when the baby girl placed in their care was taken back by the birth mother six months later. That was when they finally gave up, resigned to thinking they simply weren’t destined to have a child...any child.

Now Rob and Liz stood in their shoes, looking down that long, hard road and all the heartbreak that went with it. Liz didn’t want to walk it.

Even as she thought that, longing squeezed her heart. She’d never feel a baby grow inside her, never hear that bubbly first laughter, never have little arms around her neck, never hear “Mama.”

She covered her eyes to hide a new burst of tears as Rob pulled onto the exit ramp. It seemed the closer they got to Craig and Rachel’s, the more out of her control her emotions. As much as she wanted to tell Rob it didn’t matter, she knew lying to him wouldn’t fix it. They both knew differently. 

It could be worse. At least they had each other. That was enough. It was going to have to be.

Liz pulled in a deep breath, focusing on as many positives as she could think of. They were relatively healthy, Rob’s sterility notwithstanding. They had good jobs, a steady income...

“It’s going to kill Mom and Dad to learn they’ll never be grandparents,” he said.

Guilt scooted Liz’s despair aside. Her family was lucky there, too. Her brother and sister and their spouses were extremely prolific, blessing her parents with a total of eight grandchildren. Rob and Craig were the only children in the Bennett family. With Rachel being unable to get pregnant and now Rob’s news...  

“I think we should go to a sperm bank.” For the first time since they’d gotten in the vehicle, Rob glanced her way. “We’ll find a donor who matches me and that’ll be that.”

Liz starting shaking her head before he finished. “I won’t go through what Craig and Rachel have.”

He wrapped his hand around hers. “You won’t. Their problem is with Rachel, not Craig. You can get pregnant...and will. Please, honey, I want us to have a baby.”

She did, too. While this was an alternative, it felt so...clinical. She couldn’t wrap her mind around it. “I’d always thought we’d conceive a child in love.”

“We are in love. I’m sure they’ll let me be there during the procedure. What does it matter how? We’ll be able to experience the pregnancy together.”

“I suppose. But what would we really know about the man who donated the sperm? His family medical history. His medical status. His life. He could’ve lied on the application about anything and everything. It’s a risk I don’t want to take.”

“I guess you have a point.” Rob dropped her hand. They continued on in silence as he negotiated the grid-like street turns into the residential area.

Craig and Rachel lived in an area not unlike their own. Two blocks could have separated them instead of twenty miles. Rows of houses were lined up on either side of the street in neat perfection, single-storied in an array of colors, green lawns, trees dotted here and there, and sidewalks that threaded each to the other. Liz kept her gaze focused on the pale yellow house halfway down the block where shoulders to cry on waited. A forest of geraniums huddled under the windows. Pots of jade, kalanchoe, and aloe vera plants were tucked away on the deep-set porch.

The front door opened as Rob pulled into the driveway. Craig and Rachel waited there just outside, somehow realizing that rushing up on them wouldn’t be wise. Rachel wore white shorts and a figure-hugging red T-shirt. As always, her feet were bare. For the first time in a month it looked like she finally had  some color back in her cheeks.

Craig had his arm draped around her, rubbing circles against her shoulder with his thumb as he watched them park. Judging from his jeans and a faux Raiders jersey, he’d either been home long enough to change, or taken the day off work while they wanted for word. Neither smiled.   

“They know,” she said. They’d probably suspected all along.

Rob glanced toward the couple. Two years might separate the brothers, but they resembled each other enough to be thought of as fraternal twins. Their similarities often caused confusion on their respective UPS routes. Oddly, those who didn’t know them all thought she and Rachel were sisters as well. Liz always considered that quite a compliment. She wished she had her sister-in-law’s stamina. Rachel was an energetic ball of fire with an infectious laugh. They had the same coloring—dark blond with olive green eyes, the same build—around five-five and curvy, the same overall personality—generally upbeat with a good sense of humor. In fact, they were better suited as siblings than she and her own sister, whose hair color seemed to change as often as her moods.

She and Rob left the vehicle at the same time. He slipped his arm around her waist and dropped a kiss to her temple as they walked toward the house.

Craig swung open the aluminum storm door behind him as they neared. Rachel’s arms opened to her. Tears glistened in her eyes. Warmth, love, and understanding embraced her in a hug that promised everything would be all right. The brothers hugged, too.

“I’ve got no swimmers. It’s not fair,” Rob choked out once they stepped inside.

“I know it’s not.” Craig squeezed another hug around him.

Grasping his shoulders, Rob set his brother at arm’s length. “I want you to get my wife pregnant.”